Every expat can understand the sentimental roller coaster of life in a society not your own. Moments of pure joy at achieving something as simple as getting basic utilities can quickly be followed by the lowest of lows as you realize that, no matter how hard you try and how much you learn, you will never be a native and you will always be encountering new difficulties. After four stints abroad, I figured that I'd be able to weather the roller coaster ride of my time in Madrid without many problems. For the most part, this has been true.
Over the past week, however, I came to realize the degree to which my roller coaster was "coasting" along in a straight line devoid of excitement. In all aspects of my life, whether professional, personal or social, I became overly settled into a routine. Starting last Wednesday in Valladolid, the Fulbright Commission held a mid-year conference for all the American grantees in Spain. This conference brought together not only all of the teaching assistants from the three regions where we are placed, but also visiting lecturers and researchers. (Also, they provided loads of free wine!) For three days, we discussed the problems that we are facing, but more importantly, we focused on solutions. We talked about useful teaching techniques, effective classroom management, and how to manage in a system that many times doesn't know what to do with us.
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| Also: Wine tasting in a cellar underneath a castle. There was that. |
As someone who has often been relegated to a human dictionary in the corner of the room this was vitally important. The best part was that it reminded me why I had come in the first place. It reminded me that extra work and creativity pays off not only in student success, but in less stress and exhaustion for me. The days that I am able to present and engage with students are far less tiring for me than the days that I sit unused, but especially recently, I had forgotten that and failed to make the efforts that aren't demanded by some of my teachers.
Watching the presentations of researchers and engaging in conversations with my fellow grantees, I was awakened to another aspect of my coasting: I have been living my life at a middle school ESL level. It's hard to fully explain what I mean by this, but I'll use the example of language. Even though teachers at my school speak English quite well, my English speech has transformed and become more limited. I learn to eliminate phrasal verbs (i.e. make it, make it up, make up for it, make of it, make for it, make it out, etc... our language is a minefield of absurd complexities that we don't think about.) and I often choose one word over another, more natural choice simply to improve comprehension (i.e. "kind" in Spanish is "tipo," so the English cognate "type" draws fewer blank stares). As for my high level vocabulary, it has all but disappeared. Even my ideas are simplified in order to convey them to an age unable to abstract in the same way. Seeing people that spent all of their days intensely studying and writing reminded me of the amazing communities of English academia, but also alerted me to my inability to function at the same level in Spanish.
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| A day in my life |
Finally, their presentations also simply reminded of all that there is in the world to learn. Whether researching cancer cells and inhibitor drugs, scouring archives of imperial Spain, or looking at a booming new culture of social entrepreneurship, all of them were doing amazing, stimulating work. I live in an amazing metropolis of 3 million people with countless cultural centers full of untapped knowledge at my fingertips. I take Arabic classes, but put little effort into them. I live just 5 minutes from 2 of the best art museums in the world (that I can access for free), yet I never visit them. My neighborhood is known for its plays and live music and informational exhibitions, yet I end up taking a long siesta after school and staying home.
There is a Spanish word, "aprovechar," that I always use as an example of the inadequacy of translation. The best equivalent in English is "to take advantage of something," but it is an idea that I feel is only fully expressed in Spanish. It is about finding the good, finding the joy, and finding the benefit in everything. You can "aprovechar" a meal or a class or a journey, even a bad experience. It's something that, in my stagnant routine, I've stopped doing. Today, on my first full day back in Madrid, I woke up, and threw the windows open to enjoy the beautiful 70 degree, cloudless weather. I called my friends and made eggs and pancakes for brunch, then cleaned before heading out on a walk to explore parts of my barrio that I've never visited. Within 2 hours, I'd been to two major (free) cultural centers that have beautiful work spaces and resources that I'd never known about. Seeing everyone out in the park, drawn outside by the wonderful first days of spring, gave me even more energy for the coming weeks and reminded me that if I can "aprovechar" two hours that much, just imagine what I can do with my entire time here.
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| New resolutions start best with pancakes, eggs, and fruit |
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